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Monica Helms grew up a "typical boy," married "the one" and fathered two children. Then she finally acted on her lifelong desire to become a woman. This is her story.
Sometime around the age of 4 or 5, I knew something was different about me. I was raised Catholic and youâre supposed to pray to God for things. So I prayed to God to turn me into a girl. I finally got to do it 41 years later, so I guess for God thatâs like overnight delivery.
Several things slowed down my process of becoming a woman. I was the typical boy. I can honestly say that I was a tomboy in a boyâs body. I had loving parents and we always did things together, so I didnât have time for a lot of introspective thinking. And I was the oldest child, so I didnât have an older sister to emulate or to be jealous of. I was always attracted to women, so that was another part that didnât clue me in. So there were a lot of things that got in the way of me realizing what I was.
I started cross-dressing in 1974, right smack-dab in the middle of my Navy career when I was based in Charleston. It was the deepest, darkest secret in my entire life. I would tell someone that Iâd murdered someone before Iâd tell someone I cross-dressed. It was scary, because I knew that if I got caught I would get kicked out. So all I did then was dress up at home. Then I got transferred to the Bay Area in 1976, and I had a little more accessibility to a community that was just ready to explode. Talk about stepping out of your boundaries into a whole new world! When I started cross-dressing and going to the gay clubs, I felt like I could be out in public as myself.
I got out of the Navy in 1978 and went to junior college, where I met my wife. I just knew that she was âthe one,â but I couldnât ask her to marry me until I told her about my cross-dressing. So I told her, and I thought she understood. It wasnât until later that I realized she didnât. Later on, she denied that I told her. When she caught me cross-dressing, she just went ballistic. We had two sons together.
It took me until 1987 to realize that not only was I a cross-dresser, but I was transsexual. When I told my parents that I wanted to transition, my mother looked at me and said, âaid, âI only wish you were just gay.â My father had diabetes and Alzheimerâs and he wasnât in that great of shape. My mother insisted that I not see him ever again. So I lived five miles from the house that I grew up in and I couldnât even go in the house. Iâd drive by and Iâd see my father out in the yard and my mother outside.
To continue reading, please click here for the story in Atlanta's Creative Loafing.

A federal court in Miami threw out the case of Janice Langbehn, a lesbian denied the right to visit her dying partner in a Florida hospital, saying that no law required the hospital to admit visitors.
Langbehn, a Washington state resident, filed the suit against Jackson Memorial Hospital after Lisa Pond, her partner of 17 years, died there in 2007. Pond suffered a brain aneurysm prior to a Caribbean gay cruise with their three children, and a hospital social worker refused to let Langbehn visit her dying partner, allegedly saying that Florida was âan antigay state.â
The court ruled in favor of the hospital, according to The Miami Herald, in a decision that Langbehnâs attorney called âextreme.â
"The hospital took the position that we thought was pretty extreme -- that it has no duty, no legal obligation, to allow visitors [of any sort] in the hospital. The court agreed,'' said Beth Littrell, a staff attorney for Lambda Legal, according to the Herald. "We're obviously devastated and disappointed in this decision," Littrell said. "It highlights how vulnerable same-sex couples and their families are."
Jackson Memorial denied that it treats gay patients and their families any differently from other patients. "We have always believed and known that the staff at Jackson treats everyone equally, and that their main concern is the well-being of the patients in their care," Jackson spokeswoman Jennifer Piedra said in a news release. "At Jackson Health System, wetem, we believe in a culture of inclusion. For more than 90 years, the institution has taken great pride in serving everyone who enters its doors, regardless of race, creed, religious beliefs or sexual orientation. We also employ a very diverse workforce, one that mirrors the community we serve."
Added Piedra: "Jackson will continue to work with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to ensure that everyone knows they are welcome at all of our facilities, where they will receive the highest quality of medical care."
To read more on this story, click here or here.
Langbehn, a Washington state resident, filed the suit against Jackson Memorial Hospital after Lisa Pond, her partner of 17 years, died there in 2007. Pond suffered a brain aneurysm prior to a Caribbean gay cruise with their three children, and a hospital social worker refused to let Langbehn visit her dying partner, allegedly saying that Florida was âan antigay state.â
The court ruled in favor of the hospital, according to The Miami Herald, in a decision that Langbehnâs attorney called âextreme.â
"The hospital took the position that we thought was pretty extreme -- that it has no duty, no legal obligation, to allow visitors [of any sort] in the hospital. The court agreed,'' said Beth Littrell, a staff attorney for Lambda Legal, according to the Herald. "We're obviously devastated and disappointed in this decision," Littrell said. "It highlights how vulnerable same-sex couples and their families are."
Jackson Memorial denied that it treats gay patients and their families any differently from other patients. "We have always believed and known that the staff at Jackson treats everyone equally, and that their main concern is the well-being of the patients in their care," Jackson spokeswoman Jennifer Piedra said in a news release. "At Jackson Health System, wetem, we believe in a culture of inclusion. For more than 90 years, the institution has taken great pride in serving everyone who enters its doors, regardless of race, creed, religious beliefs or sexual orientation. We also employ a very diverse workforce, one that mirrors the community we serve."
Added Piedra: "Jackson will continue to work with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to ensure that everyone knows they are welcome at all of our facilities, where they will receive the highest quality of medical care."
To read more on this story, click here or here.
It's been a 10-year fight to end funding for damaging and ineffective abstinence-only education programs â" programs that completely ignore and dismiss the existence of LGBT youth, the realities of their lives and their critical health information needs. President Obama has called to eliminate abstinence-only programs, and Democrats in the House and Senate have held firm through budget negotiations. And yetâ¦
Despite all of these efforts, funding for abstinence-only-until marriage programs is back. On Wednesday evening, Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) pushed through an amendment in the Senate Finance Committee authorizing $50 million in funding for abstinence-only programs as part of Health Care Reform - despite more than 10 years of evidence that these programs do not work!
By a razor-thin vote of 12-11, the Senators on the Finance Committee conceded to this dangerous ideology ensuring a victory over science and common sense. With the passage of the Hatch Amendment, the bill advances to the full Senate for a vote, which is why it is more important than ever that we send a clear message to the United States Senate: Abstinence-only-until-marriage programs wereâ"and continue to beâ"a dangerous experiment, spreading ignorance instead of education. Itâs time to move education forward. Together, we can end these harmful programs.
We are too close to finally ending federal funding for failed abstinence-only programs. Please click on TAKE ACTION and tell your Senators it's time to stop these programs once and for all!
In an effort to defeat this amendment and ensure the passage of the Real Education about Life (REAL) Act of 2009, PFLAG continues to work with coalition partn fefers around the country. We recently supported the launch of the October National Sex Education Month of Action, in an effort to build support in Congress and across the country for the REAL Act and comprehensive sex education.
This fight has been long, but with the end in sight it is more important than ever that we make our voices heard. Please be sure to take the following ststeps:
⢠Email your Senators. To learn the name of your U.S. Senators and locate their in-district contact information, go to http://capwiz.com/pflag/dbq/officials/ and enter your zip code.
⢠Bring the Message Home. Please be sure to visit www.thomas.gov and type in S. 611 to see if your Senators have co-sponsored the REAL Act of 2009; if they have, please be sure to thank them when sending the note below. If they havenât, please encourage them to co-sponsor this bill with the following message:
Subject: Donât Fail Our Children: Please Strip the Hatch Amendment from Health Care Reform
As a member of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, I am shocked and outraged that the Senate Finance Committee passed the Hatch Amendment earlier this week, reinstating $50 million in funding for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs as part of Health Care Reform.
As your constituent and as someone who cares about the future of young people in the United States, I am writing to ask you to strip the Hatch Amendment from the final Health Care Reform bill in the Senate. Health Care Reform is a critically important task for this Congress and it should not be hijacked by ideologically-motivated earmarks. Moreover, study after study has shown that abstinence-only programs have no effect whatsoever. It is time for the federal government to stop wasting taxpayer dollars on these failed programs.
I stand with the millions of Americans who support teaching both abstinence and contraception. A 2004 survey by National Public Radio/Kaiser Family Foundation /Harvard University Kennedy School of Government found that 86 percent of voters want young people to receive a comprehensive approach to sex education that includes learning about both abstinence and contraception.
Abstinence-only-until-marriage programs ignore scientific research, the recommendations of medical experts, overwhelming public opinion, and basic common sense.
As Health Care Reform moves forward in the Senate, you have the power to stand up for our children and strip the Hatch Amendment from the final bill.
Young people all across America are counting on you to do the right thing. And so am I.
Thank you
Your Name, PFLAG Member
Email now and continue to email your Senators until they vote on this bill.
Please be sure to let us know when you reach out to your Senator (and if you get a response) by contacting us.
Despite all of these efforts, funding for abstinence-only-until marriage programs is back. On Wednesday evening, Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) pushed through an amendment in the Senate Finance Committee authorizing $50 million in funding for abstinence-only programs as part of Health Care Reform - despite more than 10 years of evidence that these programs do not work!
By a razor-thin vote of 12-11, the Senators on the Finance Committee conceded to this dangerous ideology ensuring a victory over science and common sense. With the passage of the Hatch Amendment, the bill advances to the full Senate for a vote, which is why it is more important than ever that we send a clear message to the United States Senate: Abstinence-only-until-marriage programs wereâ"and continue to beâ"a dangerous experiment, spreading ignorance instead of education. Itâs time to move education forward. Together, we can end these harmful programs.
We are too close to finally ending federal funding for failed abstinence-only programs. Please click on TAKE ACTION and tell your Senators it's time to stop these programs once and for all!
In an effort to defeat this amendment and ensure the passage of the Real Education about Life (REAL) Act of 2009, PFLAG continues to work with coalition partn fefers around the country. We recently supported the launch of the October National Sex Education Month of Action, in an effort to build support in Congress and across the country for the REAL Act and comprehensive sex education.
This fight has been long, but with the end in sight it is more important than ever that we make our voices heard. Please be sure to take the following ststeps:
⢠Email your Senators. To learn the name of your U.S. Senators and locate their in-district contact information, go to http://capwiz.com/pflag/dbq/officials/ and enter your zip code.
⢠Bring the Message Home. Please be sure to visit www.thomas.gov and type in S. 611 to see if your Senators have co-sponsored the REAL Act of 2009; if they have, please be sure to thank them when sending the note below. If they havenât, please encourage them to co-sponsor this bill with the following message:
Subject: Donât Fail Our Children: Please Strip the Hatch Amendment from Health Care Reform
As a member of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, I am shocked and outraged that the Senate Finance Committee passed the Hatch Amendment earlier this week, reinstating $50 million in funding for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs as part of Health Care Reform.
As your constituent and as someone who cares about the future of young people in the United States, I am writing to ask you to strip the Hatch Amendment from the final Health Care Reform bill in the Senate. Health Care Reform is a critically important task for this Congress and it should not be hijacked by ideologically-motivated earmarks. Moreover, study after study has shown that abstinence-only programs have no effect whatsoever. It is time for the federal government to stop wasting taxpayer dollars on these failed programs.
I stand with the millions of Americans who support teaching both abstinence and contraception. A 2004 survey by National Public Radio/Kaiser Family Foundation /Harvard University Kennedy School of Government found that 86 percent of voters want young people to receive a comprehensive approach to sex education that includes learning about both abstinence and contraception.
Abstinence-only-until-marriage programs ignore scientific research, the recommendations of medical experts, overwhelming public opinion, and basic common sense.
As Health Care Reform moves forward in the Senate, you have the power to stand up for our children and strip the Hatch Amendment from the final bill.
Young people all across America are counting on you to do the right thing. And so am I.
Thank you
Your Name, PFLAG Member
Email now and continue to email your Senators until they vote on this bill.
Please be sure to let us know when you reach out to your Senator (and if you get a response) by contacting us.
Contributed to gayagenda.com by: Johnny Simpson Arsham Parsi, a gay Iranian activist, fled Iran for his life in 2005. He settled in Canada in 2006 and founded IRQR, an NGO that helps LGBTs flee Iran or fight their deportation back to certain death. In early 2005, Arsham Parsi was engaged in perhaps the most hazardous profession in [...]
As linebackers in the National Football League go, Brendon Ayanbadejo of the Baltimore Ravens is relatively small. At 6-1, 228 lbs. he is often outsized by his peers. But his heart is big. and he knows how to compete. Besides being a solid and speedy linebacker, # 51 is also a fixture on the Ravensâ special [...]
It’s no secret that coming out is difficult. Obviously, some are prejudiced against people who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Our own leaders don’t support gay marriage-President Obama, often called the most liberal member of the Senate during the 2008 presidential campaign, has expressed in interviews his belief in the sanctity of traditional [...]
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