I'm going to comment on a story that we, even here at Pam's House Blend, referred to as a same-sex marriage in our piece NY: officials duped into granting marriage license to same-sex couple.
I'm angry regarding how this story is being covered. This is not a same-sex marriage story; this is a transgender person not being able to marry the one she loves story. This is a story about why marriage equality is more than a gay and lesbian story; part of why marriage equality is a lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community civil rights issue.
If the couple in question technically was a same-sex couple, then for sure this couple are definitely not a same-gender couple. This was a marriage between a man and a woman where the state doesn't recognize the woman as a woman.
But at least in one example, it seems that even the LGBT media is gaying up this relationship by using male pronouns, using the male legal name of the female partner in this opposite gender couple, and putting the female name of the female person of the opposite gender couple in quotation marks. From The Advocate (emphasis added):
Two men fooled the New York City Clerk's office into certifying what is believed to be the first same-sex marriage performed in the state, reports the New York Post, which published the couple's photo on its front page on Sunday.Hakim Nelson and Jason Stenson were married in a ceremony at the clerk's office on May 26, 10 days after obtaining a marriage license at the office. Same-sex marriage is illegal in New York, although the state recognizes same-sex marriages performed elsewhere.
Nelson, 18, and Stenson, 21, said that when they applied in person for the license, Nelson used a state benefit card that lists his sex as female. The clerk did not ask him about the male-sounding first name -- Hakim -- that appears on his identification. He wore an orange dress and white leggings, with his hair falling at his shoulders.
Nelson goes by the name "Kimah" and hopes to have transition surgery one day. Stenson views Nelson as a woman, and does not consider himder himself gay.
So, the LGBT publication The Advocate now refers to pre-operative transsexual women as men. I'm a pre-operative transsexual woman myself, who was referred to as transgender in The Advocate just last week: was it a fluke that The Advocate didn't refer to me as "Mr. Autumn Sandeen?"
Obviously, I'm seething over this. Let me clearly state in less than judicious terms what my opinion on the LGBT publication The Advocate not following the Associated Press's, GLAAD's and/or the NLGJA's guidelines of referring to transgender people by their target gender:
F*ck you, Advocate.
Don't gay up a transgender person's wedding. If the LGBT press wants to use this marriage to make the point that marriage equality is more than just about gays and lesbians, then fine. Want to identify a transgender woman as a man to make it a same-sex marriage story? That is just not acceptable in the slightest.
Advocate, you should know better. When you showed disrespect to Kimah and her gender identity, you also showed disrespect to me, and all other trans women. I couldn't feel more maddened and offended about how your publication reported on this story then if your goal was to personally antagonize me.
Below the fold: A letter from the Alabama Gender Alliance on how The Advocate covered this story.
Dear Editor -Regarding this article: N.Y. Unwittingly Marries "Same-Sex" Couple
Here you have a self-identified transgender person, and you have refused to honor that person's affirmed gender, making the bigoted editorial choice to Kimah a man and to apply the masculine pronouns "he" and "him".
You should know better. How are we to achieve liberation when our own publications mistreat us?
It's time for me to renew my subscription. Guess you don't need my money after all.
I'm copying GLAAD. Clearly, you need to re-read their media guide. I'm also copying NCTE and every major trans blog.
You owe Kimah an apology.
J D 'Ox' Freeman
President
Alabama Gender Alliance
~~~~~
Related:
* Marriage Equality Beyond Just Gays And Lesbians
* Question At The Marriage Chapel: "Are you a transsexual?"
* NCLR's Shannon Minter at the Cali Transgender Leadership Summit: "Sure! I am a transgender man."
* Taking A Short Break To Think About Freedom To Marry
* Writing A Toast; Being A Maid Of Honor
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...But let me tell you something, as you step out into that big, open world, and you start building your lives, the truth is that you will face tough times. There will be days when you will worry about whether you're really up for the challenge.Maybe some of you already feel a little of that right now. Maybe you're wondering: Am I smart enough? Do I really belong? Can I live up to all those expectations that everyone has of me?
And you will definitely have your share of setbacks. Count on it. Your best laid plans will be consumed by obstacles.
Your excellent ideas will be peppered with flaws. You will make compromises that will test your convictions. You will find that there is rarely a clear and direct path to any of your visions. And you will find that you'll have to readjust again and again and again. And there may be times when you wonder whether it's all worth it. And there may be moments when you just want to quit.
...
So, whenever you get ready to give up, think about all of these people and remember that you are blessed. Remember that you are blessed. Remember that in exchange for those blessings, you must give something back.
You must reach back and pull someone up. You must bend down and let someone else stand on your shoulders so that they can see a brighter future.
As advocate and activist Marian Wright Edelman says, "Service is the rent we pay for living...it is the true measure, the only measure of our success."
So, graduates, when times get tough and fear sets in, think of those people who paved the way for you and those who are counting on you to pave the way for them. Never let setbacks or fear dictate the course of your life. Hold on to the possibility and push beyond the fear.
Wonderful, inspirational words- from first Lady Michelle Obama, giving the 2009 commencement speech for UC_ Merced.
More below...
You can probably guess where I'm going next- Dr. Jill Biden at the 2009 GLSEN Respect Awards Gala.
"As an English teacher, I've read my students' personal journals and heard their intimate conversations about their pain and their anxiety. How can we expect kids to learn when they are taunted by their classmates? How can we ask them to do their best work?"
"Change is not easy, especially when it comes to ending bogotry and fear, but I am confident that together we will succeed."
Both of these women understand the importance of helping and protecting those within the LGBTQ community- children, individuals and families alike.
Maybe a respectful appeal campaign should be directed towards them, as well as their spouses?
Kate and I are hitting the road -- off to NYC. On Wednesday is the Women's Media Center's First Annual Media Awards, and Rebecca Traister (of Salon.com) and I will be honored in the "Online Journalism" category, presented to us by WMC co-founder Gloria Steinem. I'm small fry compared to the other honorees:Print and Broadcast Journalists:In addition to the honorees, the ceremony will also note some of the year's most egregious examples of sexism in media. So far, according to the WMC, the confirmed attendees are: Candy Crowley, Bonnie Erbe, Lynn Nottage, Gini Reticker, Rebecca Traister and your blogmistress. I doubt Christiane Amanpour will be there as she's in Iran right now.
Christiane Amanpour (CNN)
Helene Cooper (New York Times)
Candy Crowley (CNN)Broadcast Hosts:
Bonnie Erbe (To The Contrary)
Rachel Maddow (The Rachel Maddow Show)Documentary Film:
Abigail Disney & Gini Reticker (Pray The Devil Back To Hell)Theatre:
Lynn Nottage (Ruined)
Dolly Parton (9-5, the musical)Entertainment:
Tina Fey (30 Rock)The WMC's first annual Media Awards will be held at 6:30 p.m. at the Sackler Foundation in NYC on June 17th.
I'm obviously flattered to be among these powerful women, and what's wonderful is that New Media/Citizen Journalism is being recognized. I'm the first blogger to receive this honor, and hopefully the last one who does it full time along with a second "real" job -- this is a medium that deserves institutional support to flourish.
Right now, most bloggers simply squeeze their work into free moments because they have to work another job to put a roof over their heads. I hope honorees who succeed me in this category will be able to fully dedicate themselves to online journalism.
In any case, I hope it's nice weather up there; I'll hit good old Bed-Stuy to see my peeps on my mom's side of the family.
More about the WMC below the fold.
The Women's Media Center makes women visible and powerful in the media. Led by our president, the Emmy-winning journalist, writer, and producer Carol Jenkins, the WMC works with the media to ensure that women's stories are told and women's voices are heard. We do this in three ways: through our media advocacy campaigns; by creating our own media; and by training women to participate directly in media. We are directly engaged with the media at all levels to ensure that a diverse group of women is present in newsrooms, on air, in print and online, as sources and subjects.The Women's Media Center was founded in 2005 as a non-profit progressive women's media organization by writers/activists Jane Fonda, Robin Morgan, and Gloria Gloria Steinem.
Why Is It Important?
Simply put, there is a crisis of representation in the media. We live in a racially and ethnically diverse nation which is 51% female, but the news media itself remains staggeringly limited to a single demographic. While women hold less than 3% of decision-making "clout" positions in media, they also earned only 25% of all new media jobs created from 1990 -2005, despite constituting 65% of all undergraduate and graduate journalism and mass communications students.The media should reflect the reality of our lives and can also help to determine the political policies and elections that shape our lives. The underrepresentation of women and people of color is at its most acute on the influential Sunday morning political talk shows where male guests outnumber female guests four to one, and white guests outnumber guests who are people of color by seven to one. Our work in diversifying the media landscape is critical to the health of our culture and democracy.
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